We don't have lights, but we're not Jewish

When Jacob was 5 we were driving around looking at Christmas lights. As we were driving around Jacob saw a house that didn't have any Christmas lights up and said nonchalantly "Oh...they must be Jewish." I said "Why do you think they're Jewish?" he said "Well they don't have Christmas lights up, so they aren't celebrating Christmas, so they must be Jewish." So, I guess I'm Jewish, I could have sworn that my whole life I've been Mormon (well actually since I was three, cuz that's when my parents joined the church) but I guess I was wrong...I'm Jewish because we have no Christmas lights on the outside of our house!

Speaking of Christmas lights, Gerrit is a FREAK over them! He is always signing to me "Mom...more...lights" When we come into the neighborhood at night, we drive the long way around so that he can see all the lights. At every house he takes a big loud intake of breath and says "ohhh wwwoooowww" Then when we get home he fusses a little and signs "more...lights...more...lights"

He's also a FREAK over Santa. At the girls ballet party they had a Russian Santa come (since it's classical Russian ballet). He would sign "Santa" and I would ask him if he wanted to go see him and he would shake his head and say "uh uh" but he watched him the whole time. Then Father Frost left. For the next 45 minutes he was CONSTANTLY signing "Santa...where...go?" I would say that Santa went bye bye. I wanted to tell him then and there that Santa wasn't real and he was just a stupid man dressed up and on Christmas morning when he saw his cool little race car track and his stocking "ya buddy...that's allll me baby, no fat guy trying to squeeze his way down the chimney, just your fat mom swearing while trying to put the stupid track together, so you can rip it apart 27 1/2 times a day and strew pieces all over the house, and then we just end up throwing it away cuz we can't find all the pieces, but then we do in August when the movers come, but it's too late then cuz we already threw it away......" Wow, where did that come from? Do I need to work on some issues? ha ha

I must have issues dating back to childhood, oh that's right, I do, because I found out about the trinity (Santa, Easter Bunny, and Tooth Fairy) when I was 5 YEARS OLD!!! On Easter I went to the back door to do a pre-scoping of where the eggs were before I woke up my mom and dad. Guess what I saw? My mom putting the eggs out!!! So later when my mom was curling my hair for church I asked her if there was an Easter Bunny "Well, what do you think?" "WWAAAAA (me bursting out crying) I saw you putting out the eggs!" Then a minute later, the smart kid that I am I put three and three together and asked "Is there such thing as Santa?" "Well, what do you think?" "WWAAAA no!" "What about the Tooth Fairy?" same freaking question came. For the love of all that is fake, mother, could you not have lied to me...at least for a few more years? Yep, it's all my mom's fault for anything rebellious that I did! It all stems back to when I was five!!! Thanks a lot MOM, you ruined my life! ha ha ha ha ha The upside to all this is that my brother is 5 1/2 years younger than me, and you can sure as heck bet that he didn't here the truth about Santa from me! I wanted him to believe, so that I would receive! So see, I'm not Jewish! :)